SLAA Recovery & Dependent Relationship Patterns
Breaking Cycles of Self-Abandonment, People-Pleasing, & Overfunctioning
If you find yourself in unhealthy relationships you can’t seem to leave—or struggling to stop repeating the same painful dynamics—you’re not alone. You may notice that you abandon yourself in the name of love, caregiving, loyalty, or trying to live up to who you think you should be or were conditioned to be.
You might recognize patterns of people-pleasing, overgiving, emotional availability, or caretaking that once helped you stay connected—but now leave you depleted, resentful, or disconnected from yourself. On the outside, it may look like you’re loving, responsible, or devoted. On the inside, you may feel confused, powerless, or unsure who you really are.
When Relationships Impact Your Self-Worth and Identity
If you are in SLAA recovery—or have struggled with compulsive or addictive relationship patterns—you may feel deeply affected by how relationships have shaped your self-esteem, confidence, and sense of worth. You may clearly see how these dynamics influence the way you relate to love, intimacy, and belonging.
You may have found genuine support through 12-step work—developing honesty, awareness, faith, and insight into long-standing patterns. And yet, you may still notice habitual ways of relating that haven’t fully shifted, even though you deeply want them to.
Often, these patterns don’t exist only in romantic relationships. You may see them show up with family members, coworkers, children, or friends. Even when you recognize what’s happening, the fear of disconnection, uncertainty, or being alone can feel overwhelming.
How I Help
I work with people who are engaged in—or informed by—SLAA and 12-step recovery and who want to understand the deeper emotional, relational, and nervous-system roots of these patterns.
Together, we explore how these strategies were learned early in life—often as ways to stay safe, loved, or connected. You begin to see how these patterns run across many relationships, and how what once helped you belong has come at a significant personal cost.
Through this work, you can begin to:
- Understand how your relationship patterns formed
- See how they are reinforced by the nervous system
- Recognize that these strategies are not who you are
- Gently loosen behaviors rooted in fear or repetition
- Reconnect with your authentic self beneath the coping
This work isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about waking up to what has been running the system and reclaiming choice.
An IFS & Nervous System–Informed Approach to Recovery
My work integrates Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, nervous system–informed psychotherapy, and emotional sobriety principles. Together, we identify the parts of you that learned to manage relationships, maintain connection, or avoid abandonment—often in service of younger, wounded parts that felt unseen, unloved, or unsafe.
Rather than judging or trying to eliminate these parts, we approach them with curiosity and respect. As they feel understood and supported, your inner system begins to reorganize. Over time, you gain more stability, clarity, and access to who you truly are—without needing to perform, please, or overgive to belong.
What Can Change Through This Work
Over time, many people experience:
- Less reactive behavior in relationships
- Greater emotional stability and self-trust
- Clearer sense of self-care without guilt or fear
- A stronger sense of identity and self-worth
- More mutual, grounded, and honest relationships
- The ability to stay connected without abandoning yourself
This work supports recovery that is not only behavioral, but relational, emotional, and embodied—so you can live with greater freedom, integrity, and peace.
During an Intensive, You Will Gain…
- A deeper understanding of your patterns, challenges, and the obstacles that obscure healing and growth.
- Awareness of the beliefs, feelings, and sensations connected to your past, and tools to transform them so you can live with greater integration of mind, body, and heart.
- Practical steps toward healing, growth, and living a more peaceful, authentic, and fulfilling life.
- Insight into how family legacies across generations impact your present-day life, relationships, and choices.
Format of Intensive (5 hours):
- The initial session (50 minutes) will be in person or online to learn about your life, allowing time to share important parts of your story that impact you today. I will be curious about your history, current symptoms, challenges, suffering, and what you wish for yourself. I may ask you to fill out a DART assessment (developmental and relational trauma) and/or do some upfront reading as homework.
- Intensive (3 hours). Based on our initial session, I will plan an intensive specific to your goals and needs. I will facilitate our work using IFS, HOCI, Somatic, Polyvagal, Relational Life, and trauma-informed models. This may include but is not limited to, concepts such as IFS parts language, understanding your nervous system and physical symptoms from a trauma perspective, developmental stages of your early life experiences, how your history shapes and influences you today, and the five core issues of relational wounding that impact us as adults: self-esteem, boundaries, reality, dependency, and moderation.
At times, we require more time to comprehend and deal with the complexities of being human, which impact how we feel, think, and engage with life.
Therapeutic Intensives provide a nurturing and efficient way to start or continue the therapeutic process. Spending an extended period allows for delving deeper into areas where you may feel stuck or during more challenging times. Intensives integrate body-based techniques alongside therapy which offers a holistic approach to healing and understanding historical patterns that are unconscious. There are instances when regular ongoing therapy may be restricted amid daily life responsibilities and relationships. Intensives provide all the necessary elements to be taken care of and to aid in supporting and enhancing your healing and personal development.
- Next steps. Following our meeting, I will email you a summary of our intensive recommendations, an outline of your internal system, insights about your developmental wounds, and ways to support your ongoing healing through practice. All elements will be tailored to your specific needs based on Internal Family Systems, the HOCI Method, and somatic/body-based practices.
- Integration. A 50-minute follow-up session 1-2 weeks after our session to discuss the intensive, answer any questions, and how to keep the practice going. Recommendations may include continuing ongoing therapy, joining groups, specific practices that support your nervous system, suggested resources, or other suggestions that are a reflection of our time.
Intensive Options
Intensives can be structured in several ways to meet your needs:
- In-person: 2 or 3-hour sessions, offered in the evenings or on weekends.
- Online: 90-minute sessions over several days.
- Online: One 3-hour session (with a 30-minute break), offered on weekends.
Cost: 90 minutes $375; 2 Hours $500; 3 hours $750
Full payment is due at the time of scheduling.
To schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation call, please email me.
"To bring about change, you must not be afraid to take the first step."
- Rosa Parks
